mysterymethod's Blog

Grounding



[From Mystery's Lounge — Mystery's classic Grounding article.]

I'm sure you've found yourself in a set when you reach the point where your target says, "What do you do?" You either give her your honest but lame answer like, "I'm a student", or "I'm a system administrator", or worse, you try to circumvent the question entirely with "I'm an ass model." A cocky answer like this might be funny at first, but she will probably ask you again shortly. Do you have something to hide?



The problem is you don't have an attractive identity, or if you do, it's not a strong one. Some guys will experiment with "I'm a rock star," or "I'm a promoter," or "I'm a public speaker," but your target will either feel you are lying (in the same way we believe an "actress" is likely a "waitress"), or if she does believe your evidence, she becomes intimidated - you get weighed down by the stereotype she has of you. For example, I am a magician. How can she relate to that?

Instead of answering her question with "I'm a magician," I can ground my present identity to her reality and harness the opportunity to convey a much richer personality. Here's how I do it:

Here is the applied format that I used to ground my

identity to a recent 9's reality. It helped to attract

her and build enough comfort to get her back to my place.



I 1. "Well when I was little I wanted to be..." I (Childhood regression. Tell stories about my dreams and ambitions as a child.)

2. "When I was a teenager..." (Tell stories about how I got from 1 to 3.)

3. "Now I'm a magician. Can you believe it?" (Talk about where I am now and what I'm working on next.)

Really - Be Talkative



It's vitally important to be talkative. It's easy to say it but actually try it for a few months of practice. If you have so much to talk about, and you bombard her (or her set) with lots of fun and interesting conversation, showing humor, opinion, and passion, then you get to convey your personality.

The talkative person just gets laid way more often. The secret is to put yourself in a talkative mood. Have you ever been in oner Close your eyes for a moment and remember what it was like at the time. Looking back on all the girls Mystery has been with, he just talked their ears off. Then after he saw positive body language and other IOIs he would come out of the blue and say, "Would you like to kiss me?"



That's it — he would just talk passionately about something.. .talk and talk. He wouldn't talk about her. He wouldn't ask questions. He wouldn't really expect her to say anything. If she wants to join in, great, but otherwise, who cares? He does it all.'



  http://www.squidoo.com/methodmystery/

Bait - Hook - Reel - Release



The "Bait—Hook-Reel-Release" metaphor is one that continually resurfaces in study of the game. One way to apply it is in A3. You want to give IOIs to the target, but you don't want to seem too easy. (Otherwise she won't appreciate your pair bond; instead she will enjoy your IOIs as a validation of her sexual power, but she will lose attraction for you.)



The idea is to make the woman demonstrate higher value to you. Bait her into telling you interesting things about herself (not "what do you dot") so when she replies (the hook) you can IOI her (reel her in) only to push her off again (release her from the pressure of being hit on.) This process repeats several times.



Here is an example for you to use in-field right away

You: [Bait] What nationality are you?

Her: [Hook] French.

You: [Reel] Seriously? No WAY!!! The girl I had the biggest crush on in high school was French! [Release] I can't even talk to you now.

Every time she gives you a demonstration of higher value, you indicate your interest to her. This way she will believe your IOIs, and when you fully SOI her, she will feel like she really deserves it. This allows your attraction for her to legitimately grow over several minutes instead of just IOIing her because she first IOI'd you.



An important aspect of the Mystery Method is to restructure routines to be in context with YOUR IDENTITY in particular. Take the time to write up some personalized routines with this in mind. Again, make yours congruent with your identity. You do not have to be a magician to do the Mystery Method, but you do need a strong identity

"Baby, we've got to slow this down.."



Some people think that it's the man's job to escalate, and the woman's job is to resist. Instead, think of it as if it is the man's job to do both. If you are constantly thing to get more kino, like getting yards on a football field, it telegraphs far too much interest and deprives her of the hot/cold, push/pull energy that she finds so compelling.



When you pull in close to a girl, there's this tension in the air. At some point, if she feels too much discomfort, she will pull away. This isn't what you want — you don't want to condition her into a behavior of constantly pulling away from you. Rather, you want her conditioned to chase after you.

So, once that tension has been created, it's now time to push her away. This might be physically ("get off me, geez") or emotionally, such as using a backturn, false disqualifier or some other IOD. You might frame it as though you are the prize and you're not going to let her get anywhere with you tonight 'cause you have work tomorrow.

"So how do you all know each other?"



The line "So how do you all know each other?" is a rather crucial one. (If the set is a boy/girl two-set, try asking "So how long have you guys been together?") Because this question is a piece that must occur in every set, it is said to be a waypoint in the game.

It's a harmless, reasonable, sociable question. It generates conversation and provides the venusian artist with oodles of useful information. For example, if the set consists of two girls, and you ask, "So how do you guys know each other?" It's possible that one of them will say, "Oh, she's my boyfriend's sister."



The important information isn't the existence of a boyfriend. If your game is tight, girls will cheat on their boyfriends at the drop of a hat. Rather, the important information is that she is probably not going to cheat on her boyfriend in front of his sister, who is standing right here.

"So how do you all know each other?" might also reveal that the group consists of coworkers,



or that the guy you thought was a threat was actually your target's brother. (Lucky you were doing Mystery Method and befriended him in the first place.)

The Problem with the 'Who Lies More' Opener

by Style



Whenever I'm winging workshops, and I go around the room and ask guys what opener they use, half of them say, "Who lies more, men or women?" And then I see them go out and use it that night, and half the women usually respond by either by asking, "Why are you asking us this?" or "Are you taking a survey or something." Or by just giving them bad body language and trying to end the conversation as soon as possible, then laughing at them behind their back.



I remember the opener suddenly appearing in the community like a year and a half ago, and can't remember who made it up, though I think it was a workshop student. And it is a great opener to learn, because it's so short.

The problem is, it's imperfect and incomplete. There's a subtlety to any opinion opener: There must be a reason why you're asking it

In other words, you can't just walk up to a group and ask a random question for no purpose. It's weird. You need to root it in the time and place. For example, when I use the jealous girlfriend opener, I mention that I'm asking because I just got a phone call from my brother about it or "we were trying to give my friend over there advice." When I do the spells routine, I say it's about "my friend Will, who isn't out with us tonight because he's with this girl." You must roof your opener to make it a valid reason to approach a group.



Maybe some people who use Who Lies More actually give it a context, but no one I've heard. So if you are going to continue to use this opener, you must modify it, or find a new one. Examples of roots for the Who Lies More opener include:



"I was reading Esquire today and they did this study, and guess what the results were? My friends and I have been debating about it all day. We disagree." OR, "My friend over there just broke up with his girlfriend because she kept lying to him about little things. And we thought it was funny, because guys are the ones who have the reputation for lying. But now he thinks women are worse. So we're trying to save him from being bitter about women for the rest of his life. Only you can help save him from ending up a lonely, miserable old man, eating dog food in a studio apartment downtown."

These are just random roots I've put into the opener, off the top of my head. I'll field test them and, in the meantime, if anyone field tests a rooted version of Who Lies More and it works as solidly as everything else, please let me know. Let's complete this opener so that everyone can start using it correctly and effectively.

Canned Material



The Mystery Method makes use of canned material. If a particular value-demonstrating routine has been internalized, and is ready for use in set, then that routine is said to be in the can.



A venusian artist who can deliver canned material properly will be able to generate consistent, powerful responses while he is in set. It is a potent tool. Of course, no single tool should ever become a crutch — it's also vitally important for the open-minded venusian artist to practice spontaneous, natural conversations. There is something to be said for basic social skills! Nevertheless, your skill set is incomplete without the ability to congruently deliver canned material.



It is recommended that you create a routine stack of canned material that you can practice in the field. That is, an opener, a few routines, a few negs, and so on.



While practicing your routine stack, approaches start to become a blur. Patterns emerge over time. Situations and reactions become easily predictable before they occur. Social challenges are discovered and solved. The rest of the world is riving by at hyper-speed.



Once you have performed a particular routine hundreds or thousands of times, you don't even have to think about what you are saying. Your mind is free for other tasks, such as planning logistics. The target is consciously considering her responses, but you have already had this conversation a thousand times before. You have already fully explored all the conversational threads that could possibly arise from this piece of material. It's almost like seeing the future

The "Have you seen Michelle?" method



• The Player has opened a set and has had enough time to pass the social hook point. The Wing approaches the Player.



• Player faces Wing and greets him.

• Wing says, "Hey man, have you seen Michelle?"

• Player says, "Nope, sorry* man."

• Wing says, "I'm going to go find her."

• Wing turns to leave and starts walking away.

• Player interrupts, grabs Wing's arm and pulls him back into set.

Notice that at this point, the player has the option NOT to pull the wing back into the set. It's the player's choice what happens here.



• Player says, "Hey wait man, you should meet these girls. These girls are pretty cool."



• Wing says, "Cool, how do you guys know Player?'

• Girls say, "We just met him, just now."

• Wing says, "Cool. Get this. Last weekend," [Wing goes into routine]

At some point soon the player is talking to one girl while the wing is talking to the other girl. Now they have split the set and can go into A3.

Just tell her how you "view" her, and she will become that person for you, but only if she agrees and it is flattering for her. You are building a character for her, and she will play the role because she likes the way that the role makes her feel. Here are some examples of compliments:



• "You seem like someone who really knows what she wants, I admire that."

• "You really care about your friends. I bet you will make a really good mother."

• 'You have a good energy."

• "I notice you're the leader of your friends. Why is that?" • "You're a great conversationalist."

• "You're a very classy girl. What are you doing in a place like this?"

• "Wow you seem so confident with your friends, like you're kinda the leader of your peer group. I just love your energy... -> Are you close with your family?'" [Going into next routine.]

• "You have such an expressive personality ... That's a valuable thing in the entertainment industry. There are a million women who are beautiful; I just came back from Florida, but how many do you think have an outgoing personality like yourself? I'm telling you, that's a very attractive quality and a valuable asset."

Proximity



When you are in the field, a shy woman, reluctant to even make eye contact with you, may find you visually appealing and on a conscious or unconscious level reveal her interest through her proximity.



Typically if a girl is giving you proximity, she will be standing five or six feet away and she won't be facing your direction. Dynamic social homeostasis brings her to the perimeter, but prevents her from coming too close.

If you open her, she will open receptively.



Have you ever walked into a nightclub and found yourself standing near a woman you were attracted to, if only to be near her and check her out more? Maybe instead of approaching her, you ordered a drink at the bar right next to her. Have you ever been in a store shopping where it seemed that a woman you had seen earlier stood near you several times over a short period of time?



Her repeated proximity indicates a potential interest. She may be putting herself near you on purpose hoping that you might start something. It's also quite possible that her replication circuitry is placing her near you, even though she is not consciously aware of what her body is doing. She will still open receptively.

These opportunities occur with more frequency than you may have previously noticed, so pay attention.

Attractive women are found in groups



Seldom will you see women of beauty alone in such locations. Many have grown accustomed to the constant threat of nice guys that plague these gatherings. They learn to band together with trusted friends to help protect them from these everyday public nuisances.



A meeting location is said to be target rich if it offers multiple approach opportunities with attractive women in short succession; whereas a location with few such opportunities is said to be target poor. Target rich environments not only improve your chances of finding and attracting a beautiful woman, they also substantially accelerate your learning curve by providing more chances to practice your social skills in less time. Proactively choose to go to the very best meeting locations ahead of time.

Some reasons why women might say they have a boyfriend:



1) She doesn't have a boyfriend, she's just saying that because she's not attracted to you.

2) She does have a boyfriend and given her current options, she has chosen to stick with that relationship.

3) She does have a boyfriend, but she is willing to sleep with you: and she just wants to make sure that you understand her situation first. She wants discretion and understanding. And though she might be available to you for sex. she's not immediately available for any more of a commitment.

4) She does have a boyfriend, she is willing to cheat on him (they usually are if your game is tight), but she doesn't want to feel guilty about it. This is her rationalization process at work. As long as she mentions the boyfriend before sleeping with you, she can rationalize to herself that it was "your

fault." Sure, she might regret it later but that won't stop her from cheating.

5) She doesn't have a boyfriend, she is attracted to you; she just doesn't want to look like a loser who can't get a man. Most hot women have orbiters anyway: nice guys who pose as her friend but secretly want to sleep with her. Since the word "boyfriend" can have so many different meanings, she is thinking of one of her orbiters as a "place-keeper'" when she makes this statement.

Rating Women



A woman's S and R value can be rated almost purely based on her looks. That is a ternble thing to say. But it's not denigration — it's a statement of fact. Men are programmed to inseminate as many pretty women as possible. Thus a woman's sexual value to a man can be easily determined by her physical appearance.



Men often employ a decimal rating system, ranging from 1 to 10, with a 7 being a cute girl and a 10 being a supermodel. It may seem uncouth to refer to a woman as a number, such as a 5 or a 9. But the truth is that woman of different ratings do behave differently, to a great degree. And furthermore, men and women will also respond differently to other people based on perception of their relative difference in social status. This prejudice is a fundamental human behavior — it's hardwired.



Here is one example of responding based on social status: Seeking rapport is often an easy way to open a conversation with a set of 5s, but will only get you blown out with a set of 10s. Whereas being cocky and challenging, which 9s and 10s absolutely love, will often cause a 4 or 5 to react in a nasty way.



The Mystery Method, with its emphasis on negs, group theory, and preselection,

is geared towards attracting 10s. In fact, you may have to tone down these aspects of your game if you are dealing with a lesser-caliber woman, otherwise she may reject you in order to protect her own ego. It's easier for her to take the immediate ego boost of shooting down a guy, rather than risk being rejected by one whom she doesn't feel qualified for in the first place.

Women select for survival and replication value



So what are some characteristics that convey S and R value?

• Looks and height. All other factors being the same, women will generally be more attracted to taller or better-looking men. However, if you are short or ugly, that is absolutely no excuse to feel sorry for yourself. There are plenty of successful venusian arists who aren't very tall or classically attractive. Looks and height are real factors, and should be taken into account — but they aren't dealbreakers.



• Being healthy and in shape. Although it's possible to eat wrong, avoid the gym, and still pick up girls, men who stay fit are simply more attractive to women. This really has a big effect on results; people who work out not only look better, but they also give off a better energy in social interactions.

Have a positive, open attitude. Don't be judgmental or jealous.



• Don't act as if tilings are a big deal. They aren't.

• Don't complain or be emotionally punishing. If you call her on her shit while talking on the phone, she will just avoid talking to you on the phone. Instead of being the whiny or emotionally abusive boyfriend whenever she pulls a fast one, be the guy who has plenty of options.

• If she flakes on you, don't confront her about it next time you see her. Are you the guy who sat around and got upset? Or are you the guy who called over another girl and then forgot all about it?

Just as she tends to avoid discomfort, so she is also attracted to fun and stimulation. (Once her safety has been secured, of course.) Attractive women are often found on boats or dance floors, in parties or nice cars, and around bad boys and rich men. These tilings are much more compelling than being a nice guy.



• Be a fun and playful person. This is preferable to appearing tough or 'deep.'

• Be challenging to women. They love this.

• Be slightly unpredictable. Familiarity breeds contempt.

• Embrace your passions and be involved in activities. (See chapter 7 for more info on building a strong identity.)

• Develop your social circle. Put time and energy into this.

The Woman's Point of View



While Janine did enjoy making out with Joe, he did not take it upon himself to slow down the sexual escalation and remain in the comfort building stage. She truly did wish see him again, but only in the moment. When Joe called the next day, Janine wasn't in the same aroused emotional state as the night before. Due to cultural programming she felt a little guilty for doing what she did with someone she didn't really know. She knew the only reason Joe even called was to continue what was now making her feel uncomfortable just thinking about. If she did see him again. she didn't know how he would behave. Would he grope her and make her feel even more uncomfortable? She just didn't know him well enough to trust his future actions. Being one to indulge in her emotions, she allowed her emotions to once again make her decisions. Uncomfortable even talking to him on the phone, Janine is cold to him and lies, saying she's too busy to talk

When the confused Joe tried to change her mind, Janine took this as an attempt to manipulate her. She just didn't want to be pressured into having sex with someone she didn't feel comfortable and safe with, especially when she was not even aroused.



Joe was hard-pressed to change her emotional state on the phone. For all he knew at the time, with so many elements out of his control. Janine may have just had a fight with her room mate or just changed the kitty litter box. Over the next week or two, every time he left a message, her feelings of discomfort grew. She has no intention of ever seeing this guy again.

Joe shouldn't blame Janine for her stringing him along After all, it was he who ultimately designed this situation by not staying in the comfort stage for an appropriate length of time.



As hand holding escalates to kissing (more on how to perform Mystery's kiss tactic later), you will quickly approach a point of no return in which buyer's remorse is likely.

So what are some characteristics that convey S and R value?



• Looks and height. All other factors being the same, women will generally be more attracted to taller or better-looking men. However, if you are short or ugly, that is absolutely no excuse to feel sorry for yourself. There are plenty of successful venusian arists who aren't very tall or classically attractive. Looks and height are real factors, and should be taken into account — but they aren't dealbreakers.



• Being healthy and in shape. Although it's possible to eat wrong, avoid the gym, and still pick up girls, men who stay fit are simply more attractive to women. This really has a big effect on results; people who work out not only look better, but they also give off a better energy in social interactions.





• Hygiene and grooming. These are essential. Stay clean and well-groomed, and keep your breath smelling fresh. Don't be a scrub.

The word 'Slut' is a weapon that women use against other women

Women have a powerful interruption mechanism known as anti-slut defense,

or ASD. Not only does she prefer to avoid having others perceive her as a slut, which would pose dire consequences to her social status, but also she wants to avoid the discomfort of feeling like a slut. Thus she has the ASD interrupt mechanism to help her avoid this fate.



ASD is what makes a girl blurt out 'I have a boyfriend' (whether she actually does or not) — because you escalated faster than she was comfortable with.

Time in the field will eventually improve your calibration to the point where you can escalate without activating her ASD. Chapter 6 describes how to escalate smoothly through the use of false disqualifiers.

                         Rejection and Approach Anxiety



Logically, rejection causes us no harm. But emotionally, rejection can be a punishing experience. To understand this, we must look at the ancient environment for which we were designed.



In a tribal group, there will be some small number of available women of breeding age. When a man approaches one, he risks rejection, and if that happens, all the other women will know, which will diminish his value in their eyes — maybe to the point where none of the women will mate with him. This is called preselection — women look for social validation of their choices. A suitor who is preselected will be more attractive, whereas a man who has been rejected will be less so.



Another factor regarding approach anxiety is the possibility that she may already be taken, in which case there is a component of real, physical danger to any male who approaches her.



For all these reasons and more, men are naturally selected to experience approach anxiety. Logically, of course, modern society fixes these problems. If I am rejected, I can simply go to another part of the bar, or leave the bar entirely. I will probably never see any of those people again. But my emotions don't know that. My emotions are trying to do what's best for me.

So how can you avoid rejection?



The answer is: you can't. It isn't the solution to avoid being vulnerable. Rather, the solution is to embrace your vulnerability, to embrace rejection, and let the Field show you what is good and what is bad. Most approach anxiety is a result of imagined rejections, not real ones. Eventually, time in the Field will desensitize you to the emotion of rejection. In a game where you might play five or ten sets every night, losing a few of them here and there never really seems like a big deal.